Given the high costs for housing, I have found that many people are looking for a roommate to share expenses. These arrangements can increase opportunities for more desirable and larger spaces. At the same time, it’s important to establish expectations up front and to make sure that all the residents are on the lease. Choose your roommates carefully! As I explain below, I believe that these relationships are more successful when there is compatibility and communication about common expectations.
Getting on the Same Page
In my experience, the most successful outcomes rely on early discussions at the beginning about routines, visitors and cleaning responsibilities. If this critical conversation happens at an early stage, then the roommates are more likely to be able to have a better and more long-lasting living arrangement.
In some cases where the roommates don’t know each other very well, the landlord is likely to require that each has good credit, enough income and perhaps even references. At the same time, each party should be part of the lease so that the landlord understands that the cost and lease obligations are being split between the residents.
The roommates should also have their own separate agreement about cleaning schedules and bill-splitting. If the tenants are responsible for utilities, then there should be a clear, written understanding about how these important payments will be made on a timely basis, along with rent.
Beyond the Golden Rule: Why Communication is Key to Roommate Harmony
What are my other recommendations for renting with roommates? Follow the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would like them to do undo you.” While we may all believe that we live this way, we need to go a step further with roommates. These relationships are so fundamental to a peaceful home environment.
Based on my experience, people approach the roommate experience from different life experiences. I had one roommate who became irate whenever anyone put the toilet paper on the roll the “wrong” way - she insisted that it had to be “over” with the loose end facing down to prevent contact with the wall. To be honest, I had never given it much thought before we lived together. Twenty years later, I still remember her rage every time that I find myself in a bathroom where the toilet paper is hung the “wrong” way!
After this experience, I had a different appreciation of the ways that individuals bring varying expectations as far as cleaning routines and habits. While some of these smaller issues only arise after living with someone for a while, roommates may have better success if they communicate about issues most important to them from the start.
For example, everyone likes to have their personal space recognized. Even if you may be open to sharing everything and have few boundaries, you don’t want to make assumptions about someone else’s comfort zone. Especially in the beginning, my experience suggests that kindness, respect and clear communication go a long way.
Don't Let it Fester: Handling Conflicts and Joint & Several Liability
What if problems do come up? Don’t let anything fester. Ask your roommate to meet about any concerns before the problems become bigger or go on for a long time. If the issues need to be addressed by the landlord, take the time to send joint communications – it’s important that both roommates are working together and coordinating requests to the landlord. All the tenants are responsible under the lease terms and one roommate cannot change the terms with the landlord without all the roommates involved.
What if one of the roommates violates the terms of the lease? This behavior can have serious consequences, even leading up to eviction. Roommates should try to resolve these concerns with open and honest communication. However, if one roommate persists in problematic behavior, there may be a need to get the landlord involved. Otherwise, everyone could end up having to look for new housing - and face the loss of any security deposit.
In most cases, all roommates on the lease are jointly and severally liable. What does this mean? If one roommate fails to pay rent or damages property, the other roommates may be responsible for the cost. In these unfortunate situations, roommates should document as much as possible with photos and written communications to the landlord.
From my perspective, landlords and tenants are more able to find common ground with a short phone call or clear email explaining the problem and possible solutions. In the worst-case scenario where one of the roommates needs to move, it is even more important to try and brainstorm a solution that works for everyone involved. Communication really matters the most in order to address issues before they become irreconcilable.
Roommates should know up front - before signing the lease - whether the landlord will agree to sublet. Some landlords may be willing to keep the existing lease intact with the substitution of a new roommate. Other landlords may not be so agreeable and, ultimately, the lease dictates the results.
For these reasons, there is less confusion and ambiguity when these terms are defined in the original lease. If, for whatever reason, the lease is unclear or does not address a particular situation, my experience suggests that it is better to convene a meeting with everyone involved before anything escalates further.
What about an “innocent” roommate? This term is used to refer to the roommate who wants to pay rent and avoid termination of the lease where another roommate moves out or refuses to pay rent. In this kind of situation, the “innocent” tenant can try to collect damages from the other roommates. However, this process can be slow and even expensive if attorneys get involved. A landlord can sue all the tenants for lost rent - so roommates should think of their relationship as a contractual partnership/joint venture. To that end, roommates should make plans to meet regularly and to discuss the living situation frequently.
In Summary
Renting with roommates can be a bit messy sometimes, but if all the parties maintain good communication, it can be a more affordable way to enjoy a great space!
